Thursday, February 8, 2007

Damn you, auto-flush

I don't know who invented auto-flush toilets, but I hope they burn in hell, or at least get a really nasty cold.

They can't save water, at least not when I am around. The toilets at work flush a minimum of five times when I use one.

I went to the bathroom this morning, did my business, stood up to clean myself and immediately froze like folks in movies who are trying to elude a motion detector.

The auto-flush had gone off, but the toilet was stopped up. I knew I couldn't get away from the toilet without setting off more flushes, but the water was rising so I didn't dare sit down.

Finally, the water stopped at the top of bowl, relieving the overthrow threat. But I could not move because another auto-flush would be a disaster.

So I sat back down on the toilet cautiously and waited ... and waited ... and waited. Clogged toilets will drain eventually, but it takes a while.

I actually pulled out my cellphone to call my boss and tell him I was delayed, but it was too embarrassing. I also took some toilet paper and covered the auto-flush sensor.

When the water was low enough to risk it, I edged out and opened the stall door and sent my dog outside. Then, holding my breath I swung off the toilet and onto my wheelchair.

And the toilet didn't flush. I felt like yelling "TA-DA!"

When I reappeared I had to explain to my boss what had happened. Not just for his sake. If I tell someone, I can laugh and forget there kind of things. If I don't they make me want to cry.

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