You can pick your guards and you can pick your nose ...

To lighten the mood:

I thought it was an unwritten rule.

No, wait. To be honest, I didn’t ever think about it. Somewhere, deep down in my body, beneath the depressing dumb brain, probably above the distressing fat stomach, it is just imbedded in the code: You do not pick a stranger’s nose.

But my building guards are taught different, and to be honest I am not sure whether that is good or bad.

Let me explain: I got to work one day a while back and a relatively new guard opened the door for me. As we were going up through the lobby, he said, you got something on your nose. I have allergies pretty much from April to October and colds the rest of the year, so I am in a continual fight against “hangers,” and I appreciate such warnings.

I reached for a Kleenex (I know, I know; it should be tissue but besides the children of my copy editor sister who says tissue) and wiped my nose but apparently missed the offending nose candy.

That’s when it happened. The guard said, I'll take care of it, and before I knew what’s going on, right there in the middle of the lobby a guard was very gently picking my nose. It took him a try or three but he got it, wrapped it up in the Kleenex and gave the wadded-up Kleenex back to me.

After I convince people that this really happened, they are at a loss. Imagine, then, how I felt after my nose cleansing. Violated, yes. Embarrassed, yes. And, just stunned that people exist who will do a distasteful job for someone else without thinking twice.

Still a little grossed-out, though.