Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Matty is going to Japan!

I got some fabulous news over the weekend, and it came in an envelope addressed to Mom and Dad. I have been invited to study in Japan with other high school students.

Finally! Someone recognizes that I have arrived at the emotional and maturity level to thrive in high school. Granted, I am 36. It would not be easy to pass for 18.

Perhaps I could wax my face. I can't grow a full beard or anything, but I don't look smooth and peach-fuzzy. Other than that, I could probably fit in. They just have to accept my careworn and weathered face as a sign of young wisdom.

Lest anyone doubt that I am on similar levels as high schoolers (except intellectually; I'd smoke 'em intellectually), I very recently came up with the proper comeback to a crude remark from two guys in a bathroom in the language wing after a fire drill when I was a sophomore. (And why do so many of my stories involve a bathroom?)

I won't share the remark, but the proper comeback, which came to me 20 years too late, was "OK, your mother never complains." Another would have been simply "OK, Big Dick." I may actually be regressing. The proper response was to ignore them, which I did.

Why do I still think of retorts to high school bullies? And why doesn't it bother me that I'd get the snot beaten out of me?

I may have some issues. And what better place to work them out than high school?

P.S. Merry Christmas

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Matty:
Guess what?? When Dorrie was googling for information on how to find the Capt Kangaroo Nutcracker Suite, your blog was a hit! She didn't know it was you till I told her about your nativity in another context. Then our clever minds figured it out.
Also, I figured out a really snappy ocmeback to a rude French waiter in Montmartre about 3 weeks too late. "Lait de ta mere" was what i should have told him when he asked if I wanted goat's or dog's milk for my coffee.
xxoo
see you tomorrow
JTG

Matt said...

Nice, I was hoping my nativity would go viral but there are probably few searches for Green Arrow and Nativity.

Three weeks is nothing. Three years is nothing. Two decades? Kind of a problem.


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