Monday, November 17, 2008

I finally used my tortellini

When I lived in my condo, I used to buy big things of chicken tortellini and Mom would divide it up into meal-size portions and put it in my freezer. Not that I cooked tortellini that often -- filling a pan with water to boil was never that easy. Then I found some you did not need to freeze, so I used that.

Long story short: When Mom cleaned out my freezer she brought home a packet of tortellini that had been in there for years.

Last night I was watching the Redskins choke against the Cowboys and I got up to excuse myself. I had to go kind of urgently so I didn't flip my chair off. Mistake. I stood up and I guess my sleeve caught the chair's joystick.

When the irresistible force of a power chair meets the immovable object of a porcelain toilet with my leg between, guess what happens? PAIN!

Serious pain. So I was in a state of minor undress (unzipped pants), my right hand was keeping me from falling, my left leg is being crushed by the chair, and my left hand was flailing about trying to grab the joystick.

I managed to croak "Mom" loud enough for her to hear and Dad, too, who had gone to bed. When she got out to the bathroom, I also was able to tell her to move the chair. (For the record, I am fairly certain that if calling for help was not an option, I would have survived somehow. I did here.)

When she did back the chair up, the relief I felt almost made me throw up. Really.

One good thing: The searing pain in my leg did totally remove the urgency to pee. I am not sure I'd recommend that as a solution to urgency problems, though. But it was a good thing because I did still have to go (just not urgently), but the nerves in my leg were firing all at once keeping me from putting weight on it. That and the confusion from Mom and Dad about what the hell I was doing still at the toilet kept me from going immediately, but I did go and returned to the game because I am a player (not a wuss like certain Redskins).

I then told Mom that "I didn't think anything on my foot was broken" but I wanted her to look at it. She did and found a big angry bruise, so even though my feet were freezing we put the frozen tortellini on the bruise to keep the swelling down. At first, my nerves kept my leg bouncing but eventually it relaxed, and the tortellini even worked. No pain today.


Anonymous said...

Good Lord, boyo.

Matt said...

But I used my tortellini!

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