Monday, August 9, 2010


My family members have mostly gone home -- my nephew B is staying a week to help on the house -- but otherwise all our visitors have left.

I love my family a lot. I never get tired of seeing any of them.

But their presence always leaves me thinking of the Dave Barry column "Uneasy Rider," about when his 12-year-old son Rob got hit by a car.

"I can remember when there was nobody in my world as important to me as me. Oh, I loved other people ... and I would have been distraught if something bad happened to them. But I knew I'd still be here.... Rob changed that."

He is way too selfish for me. But part of what happens when we all get together is that I am reminded that I am the only unmarried sibling and one of two without any kids.

No matter  what people say, I don't have the kind of family I always assumed I'd have. Maybe that is for the best ... but it wears on me.


Ellen said...

But parenthood IS selfish! I admit it freely. I did not have children because I thought I owed it to society or because I thought "For sure, MY child will cure cancer." And so, when they are hurt, I not only have excruciating pain for them, but also pain for me. So, go ahead and feel selfish. I've got your back.

Anonymous said...

I do understand. Throughout my 20s and 30s all I did was go to weddings and get birth announcements from my friends. I NEVER expected to meet anyone and get serious, no less get married. So don't give up, although I understand how you feel about being unmarried when everyone gets together. At least your immediate family. And I know Tony will read this, but I'm not ashamed to say that you should appreciate the ability to do whatever you want, whenever you want, and not have to consult with anyone else. There is something very liberating about that. I love you.

Matt Trott said...

The column was too selfish for me because I know that "nobody in my world as important to me as me" is not true. Call it a lack of self-esteem or a desire to be a martyr but I would rather bad things happen to me than to others, family or friends. Part of it is that I think I am better able to handle things, part of it is that I have no responsibilities, and part of it is that I feel my life is already so f-ed up more won't matter. But thanks for getting my back.

And do you mean I could not skydive if I was married?

Anonymous said...

I'm sure you will find an awesome wife whose only requirement for you to go skydiving is for her to go too!


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