Thursday, April 28, 2011

Why not?

I am convinced God exists. I am much less certain whether God cares or whether God has any kind of active role in our lives.

If God were anything like what I have often wished, I would not have had a day like today.

Someone, perhaps on his right hand or maybe his left, would have said, "Whoa, Dude. Matt has had a crap day. His mom should not have to do that. He has been humiliated enough for the day. Why not give him a fucking break?"

And then the compassionate God of my dreams would ease my struggles just a bit, take away some bad part of my day -- the digestive issues, the falling, the incontinence.

In the real world, with the absolutely baffling and seemingly cold God, the struggles multiply.


Anonymous said...

I don't understand it. I don't get it. I don't know why there are so many struggles. But...I do know and believe with all my heart and soul that it is that loving God who puts people (like mom in this case) in your path to walk beside you as you travel.

Anonymous said...

I have to agree with Emily. Yes, your younger sister is very wise. Through all of my struggles, especially Shepherd followed by breast cancer and my continued wound issues along with all of the other bullishit that I don't even talk about, I have a hard time believing. But when I think of Tony, family - including yours, and my wonderful friends, that I think that there must be some positive karma on my side. But there are days where I definitely do not believe.

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