Monday, September 19, 2011

When

I have been in a wheelchair full time for 11 years. I have known I have Friedreich's ataxia for about 15 years. I have known I have an ataxia for more than 20 years. I have known I have something wrong for years before that.

When do you stop feeling mad about it? When do you stop feeling robbed or jilted? When do you stop looking for someone to blame? When do you stop feeling like some owes you big? When do you stop feeling guilty about needing help.

When do you stop wanting to cry or to sleep? When do you stop worrying about everything because FA touches almost everything? When do you stop wanting to walk, run or, hell, even laugh without coughing?

I want all those things but am no closer to any of them than I was years ago. In fact, I am further from them.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

28 years later, asking when or why gets you nowhere....
sdt

Anonymous said...

DIfficult as it is, you try to find the blessings--like Claren--that you have because of it, when you find yourself down a path to no good answers. And, if every now and then, you can help others realize that persons with disabilities especially learn not to take the smallest or seemingly insignificant things for granted, then you succeed in accomplishing something more meaningful than simply questioning, why or when.

Anonymous said...

ditto anonymous.
sdt

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