Jesus had a crap day today.
It is important for me to remember this.
I need to know that whatever I face, he went through worse ... not because it reminds me that I got off lucky if God did that to his son. I need to remember because it means that God, part of him anyway, knows all about my problems.
Jesus knows what I go through.
Pain: Being nailed to a cross beats banging your head into the side of a car. It even beats a growly stomach.
Despair: No one really knows what he said at Gethsemane. But how could he not despair. He lived a model life. Now he was being asked to die?
Anguish: Even if you believe Jesus was mostly a God who knew the future and his powers, he was still a man. That humanity could not help but feel great doubts about everything. No man could have been sure everything would work out. He may have had enough faith to overcome his doubts, but he had them. And those doubts are more serious than my concerns at the moment.
Like whether to use a personal attendant at this workshop next month. My sister thinks I am being pig-headed not to accept help -- a belief confirmed by a fall this morning that required help from my brother-in-law. It's not that, well, mostly. I am just not at all sure I can let a stranger help me that intimately.
Loneliness: Both Jesus and I have perfect mothers, and I have wonderful family, too. (I imagine he did as well, but whatever.) Nonetheless he felt alone on that cross, forsaken even. I know he gets how I can feel that surrounded by the love I have.
2 comments:
Wow, that was some post. And I agree, Jesus knows. And you are never alone.
That being said, I hope you accpet an attendant on your trip.
Not only, once you accept it, will it add positively to your experience, it will ease your mother's anxiety.
I hope having that wonderful family around you and experiening all the love they feel for you made for a good holiday.
thanks. Yeah
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