Friday, March 29, 2013

Annoying Beatitudes

For some reason the captioning on Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince was not working,  so I went to my room and watched Godspell, figured that was an appropriate Good Friday movie.

One of the songs "All for the Best" touches a topic I have been thinking about since a wake I went to last week.

At the wake one of the readings was the Beatitudes, which includes "Blessed are they who mourn: for they shall be comforted."

"All for the Best" has the line "Don't forget that when you get to Heaven you'll be blessed..."

When I hear these, I don''t think of them as promises. They annoy me. I don't see them as lies, but frankly, who cares?

Of course, things will be OK when I die. I don't expect to need comforting after I die.

When Reynolds Price was first dealing with his back cancer, he had a "vision." In it Jesus tells him, your sins are forgiven. Reynolds replies (essentially), well, duh, how about my back? So Jesus says, that too.

That's how I feel when I hear "Blessed are they who mourn: for they shall be comforted."

Well, duh.

Of course when I get to Heaven, I'll be blessed. Isn't that kind of the point of Heaven? I want more.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Stupid cold

I am blaming most of my radio silence on a cold I have been dealing with for a week. Or maybe it is allergies?

It is quite crappy regardless, and I will say again that people fighting one major disease should not have to deal with a piddly one like a cold.

I am getting ready to go to Lynchburg to see about a trike. I think from the website they deal mostly with kids.

And just for you non-Faccebookers: A friend took this  photo at a program at work. Bats are pretty cool, not only because of Batman. And ignore how stupid I look.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Another sister

I have been at my job for a little over a year and a half. Apparently, that is also the time it takes for co-worker friends to channel my little sister.

I was using my manual chair today, and I had to go downtown, which means riding a shuttle.

My friend pushed me on the lift and held on, saying, Do you lock your wheels on the lift? Or should I say, should you?

I lockedw my wheels.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Do you hear what I hear? No

My 8-year-old nephew tended goal in his hockey game I watched this week. I am no hockey fanatic, but I am pretty sure that is not his position. He was the most unconcerned goalie I have ever seen -- oh, did the puck just hit my skate? Whatever -- and his nonchalance got me laughing.

I didn't want him to know I was laughing at him -- of course, his mother told him when we got home -- and I wondered if he could hear me.

I quickly dismissed the idea because it was ludicrous that he could hear me in the hockey rink because he was on the ice with 75 loud kids, and it was.

But what then occurred to me, and was much harder to dismiss, was that I have no idea what normal people hear and what they don't. No concept.

UPDATE: I also did not hear the bag-piper at my sister's party either. I did hear the snare drum in some song they blasted at 1:44 a.m.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013


I learned today I can turn invisible.

On the one hand, I was like AWESOME! That's the stuff of superheroes. Martian Manhunter, for instance.

On the other hand, I was like WTF?

I was on the ramp to the back door, letting Claren goof around in the yard. It was windy, so my head was down, when I noticed something pass me. I looked up and saw this kid knocking on the door, after totally walking around me.

He had knocked really lightly and was just standing there, so I asked him if anyone heard him. I think the voice out of nowhere (since I was invisible) startled him, but after several times, I got him to knock harder.

My nephew answered the door, they chatted and then he left down the ramp, once again totally ignoring me.

A few minutes later, a guy came by delivering fliers. He did nod at me after I nodded at him, but he put the flier nowhere near me, the homeowner.

I assume that I will wake up tomorrow with Martian Manhunter's other superpowers like flight, telepathy, invulnerability, strength.

Note: I wrote this but then sort of felt bad for making fun of a little kid. I imagine I can be scary, so no harm, no foul, kid.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Doomsday Peepers

A friend persuaded me to watch Doomsday Preppers. I didn't tell her I always thought it was called Doomsday Peepers, about people who just "peep" at doomsday. Or maybe it is about folks who design dioramas depicting  doomsday using Peeps.

Anyway, as I was watching these odd-balls who think Russia is going to nuke us, I started realizing how utterly useless I'd be in a doomsday. There is a guy in a chair in World War Z, zombie doomsday, but he was able to wield a weapon. He wasn't someone who starts coughing at dinner and his niece and nephew decide he needs the safety belt across his chest.

And what shelter is accessible?

I think the best thing I can do is not prep, throw myself to the zombies. Who wants to live post-apocalypse anyhow? Once you peep it, you won't want to live there either.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Flush with victory

My nephew peed in my bathroom last night.

I don't think he really had to go or anything. Rather he wanted to give the "Acme flusher prototype" an authentic test.

I have been the same was since Mom built the AFP on Friday. It is based on my idea, but she didn't like the clamp idea (which  I am still sure is a winner), so she used a rubber band to fasten it. She also substituted rope for fishing line.

My brother-in-law was impressing, saying he thought she had "a bit of engineer in her."

I love it and have probably flushed my toilet more in the past day than in the past year.


We are on AFP 2.0 now, and my nephew gave it an authentic test this afternoon.

The rubber-band popped off. We are now using one of the clamps. Seems to work awesomely!

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

I am not a bad driver

As I was in the kitchen today getting lunch, my niece, enjoying a snow day, passed through on her way to the office.

I wasn't paying attention until my sister yelled, what are you doing?

My niece was bearing down on us in my manual wheelchair and just having fun, I think is how she answered her mother.

She then  started bumping into the cabinets, prompting her mother to ask if she was trying to be like Uncle Matt.

I blame it all on the stupid snow today ... that and my mean sister.

Monday, March 4, 2013

A good one

I slipped the other day as I was getting in my chaise. I was not all the way on the floor, but my face was buried in the chaise and my legs were holding me up but unable to do anything else.

I hollered for some help and Mom, who was over at our house, came to help, so did my 8-year-old nephew He started pushing my head up, and said, "Uncle Matt, I'm helping you." Then my glasses fell off and Mom was able to convince him to just hold them, instead of potentially breaking my neck.

Eventually, I got settled and my nephew gave me my glasses.

This is why I let him play on my phone whenever he asks. This is why I might let him download the Atomic Fart app. Because I love him, and he loves me -- even if he needs to work on his help.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

To Claren and Gram

While I have been out gallivanting, I missed recognizing two important dates.

On Thursday, I met three friends for a wonderful dinner. I am not sure what I have done to deserve them. As we left, they asked where my ride was. I told them I had to call for it and it would be 15 minutes and that they could leave.

They refused. How cool. Instead, we browsed a book store till Mom and Dad came.

Thursday was also mine and Claren's ninth anniversary. We graduated February 28, 2004. Yeah, us! We are going to a puppy play tomorrow, which will be her present ... unless she plays herself to death.

Yesterday was Gram's 101st birthday. She isn't here for it, but it is a big day anyway. Without Gram, I sure wouldn't be living in this great house.

Two of the most important women in my life.

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