Thursday, May 30, 2013

Kidney stone vignettes

I was unable, of course, to fit all the awesome moments of the last week in the last post.

No wonder it hurt
After the surgery, the surgeon apparently said to Mom and my sister in the waiting room: "This ain't my first rodeo." There were horses galloping down my urinary track?

She's one of us
My niece has a different last name but is totally a Trott. She walked in to my room when I got home Friday to welcome me home. She came up to hug me, but then stopped and said: Wait, you're not sick, are you?

I am Austin Powers
You remember the scene in the first Austin Powers when he gets thawed out and pees forever? That is how I was when I got home from the surgery. And whenever I stopped, I would move on the toilet and that would start it off again. This was when I realized my brother-in-law really loved me. My sister wanted him to help me off the toilet, but I was worried standing up would start me peeing again. But he didn't mind. (Maybe he just really loves my sister.)

But I am not Anthony Weiner
My sister made me promise not to post a photo of my taped-up private part with its string hanging out. Like I'd do that? Well, maybe if the nurse did swoon.

Would he pull it?
My sister didn't tell my nephew the specifics of my operation because, she said, he would want to see the string.

Blame it on the electric razor
After  a week of not shaving, my electric razor did not make a dent in my stubble. I called Mom to see if she had an extra razor at her house I could use. She did, but then we agreed I probably should not shave myself. So Dad came over to do it. The problem was I found it funny. Not cool to laugh when a blade is at your throat. But I am very clean-shaven now.

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