The wall and I are just friends

I have never read a romance novel, but I think I may have been in one this morning. My chest was heaving, my thighs were quivering, my body was aching, if I had a bosom it surely would have been pounding. but there was no sex or romance at all ... unless you count me having carnal relations with the shower wall.

The shower I use is bounded on the side where I get in by a real narrow wall. The space goes shower, wall just wide enough for hang a towel, then an open space with shelves and a space on the floor for my laundry hamper.

Somehow when I was transferring into the shower ended up crouching on the floor. Before I could stand up, I realized my right ankle really hurt so I got it out from under me and it was fine. But I was about to embark on a sexual journey. Thankfully I still had on my sleeping pants or the following would have chaffed mightily.

When I freed my right ankle, it went on the non-shower side of the wall. My left leg was in the shower. Using the various grab bars I tried to stand up and either get in the shower or back in my chair. My legs had other ideas.

Both my feet slid forward so I was smack against the wall with one leg on either side. I don't want to get to graphic, but as I tried to pull myself up, failed and slid down and tried again. I thought, "Wow, isn't this what a male dog does?"

I finally got into the shower, I can't remember how. And the worst thing: The wall is so ugly, just plain white with chunks knocked out of it by my chair. I mean at least if it was a really nice marble wall, I could say it was just experimenting.