Wednesday, March 7, 2007

UNH! Trying to think of a title

There I was, standing in the bathroom stall at work, when it hit me. Yes, standing. That is how I pull up my pants. I stand up holding on to things, get as good a balance as possible, bow my head in prayer, wedge bowed head into the corner of the stall and use my then-free hands to pull up my pants. Actually, my head is bowed as if in prayer, but from now on I will say a little prayer to Vaast.

I realized that my entire life sounds like the Saturday Night Live skit "At home with Moncia Seles." I think that was the name. It was on when Seles was big and she was famous for grunting with each shot. The actress portrayed Seles grunting as she opened the refrigerator, grabbed the orange juice, etc. It was funny then.

Now, I am now so sure.

As I do pretty much anything, signs and grunts escape my lips. Getting into my wheelchair, getting out, sliding to the floor to brush Claren, getting in bed, turning out the lights. Really, I just need to stop before I name every physical action of my day.

Just let me save this and close my laptop. Unhhh.


Anonymous said...

What's the appeal of Vaast? That he was a recluse or that he resurrected a goose?

Matt said...

A goose, really? Awesome!

He is the patron saint of children who are late learning to walk so I decided that sort of applied because there are no patron saints of standing or balance.

There is, however, a patron saint of bootblacks, Kevin. I was totally going to pick him because I figured he'd have lots of free time, but then I saw he is also the patron of the city of Dublin. He probably has his hands full there.

I could also have picked Bartholomew, my confirmation saint who actually is the patron of neurological diseases. But ... A) He is obviously a slacker and B) No one knows why he has this patronage. I need to know before I get deep in B's corner.

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