Friday, December 26, 2008

Goddamn geese, you have made the list

I have been meaning to start an enemies list. I don't think I have any actual enemies, though.

I did tell someone at work that she could tell people she was on my enemies list if I ever become infamous like Nixon, but that was just because people seem to be so proud of being on Nixon's list.

At the top of my list, at least today: Wild geese.

They overrun work ever winter. Normally, the company hires the Geese Police to "get the flock out." They chase the geese with border collies, who really excite Claren. They haven't been around in a while, though. I am afraid the Geese Police may have fallen under the budget axe.

I pointed out to a guard at work that it was only a matter of time before people start saying I smell. It won't be me. It'll be my wheels because they are covered in goose poop.

This morning I wheeled up the driveway to give me more space to avoid the nasty green landmines. I could tell the sidewalk was an impasseable mine field.

It didn't help. When I wheeled away from my desk, I saw Claren start to sniff at the little green streaks.

4 comments:

kabuki said...

Two sterling ideas just came to me!
Can you imagine mini blades - like snow plow blades that mount in front of each wheel. At the touch of a joy stick the blades lower to the ground and deflect the offending matter. The other system involves a water reservoir and a pressure pump fastened to the back of the chair. Two nozzles are mounted to spray the wheels with a jet of water to remove offending matter as you roll along also at the touch of a joystick.

kabuki said...

Matt,
Only you will know that "kabuki" is the former master of the fabulous Peach hound!!

Matt said...

wow, I would never have guessed!

My siblings came up with this wonderful invention for cleaning my chair and then they googled wheelchair cleaner and it had already been invented.

I was reading that the geese police use border collies because the have the stare of a wolf. I tried letting Claren stare at the geese for a bit today. She has the stare of a baby deer,

Anonymous said...

ok...I am shocked by Kabuki's true identity...never would have guessed it!

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