Sunday, November 22, 2009

Getting my fat on helps me swim

Apparently, all I need to swim like a pro is a fat suit.

Not like a Monica from Friends fat suit or the one Barney wore recently on How I Met Your Mother. Just a little one, "to give you the fat you need," my teacher said when I saw it.

It was awesome. I swam some well and so independently, the two volunteers had plenty of time to talk to each other about things like SATs and what college they want to go to. Oh, man, I am old.

I did two and a half pool lengths on my own. In the middle of length 3, the teacher was hollering something to us and I thought we were stopping there so I stopped swimming. But we weren't stopping there, and actually I caught the volunteer off-guard and went under for a second. Surprisingly, it went well. I took a quick breath before going under and then held my breath.

After that I did more swimming with the fat suit using my legs. I also walked up and down the pool, but that was hard because of the suit. It tended to ride up on me when I wasn't floating.

We even took it off and I swam on my own for a length or two. Pretty awesome.

Finally, I was blowing bubbles in the water and to make that more interesting my teacher had one of the volunteers and I lock forearms and then he walked backward down the pool, pulling me off my feet, so I was floating and felt like I was really swimming on my belly. He stopped every five seconds so I came up for air. That was fun.

But then the teacher got a bigger volunteer to give me a bigger challenge. The teacher told me to kick, too, and I just lost it. We stopped and started again and he said "ready?" I said "OK" but left my mouth open, got a major mouthful of water and then we decided to call it a day.

It was a good lesson and I almost didn't go because Mom and Dad had gone out and my sister was real busy. But she sucked it up and took me. She even came to pick me up after I said "shit" and "ass" in front of her son.


Patrick said...

Let us not forget Will in a fat suit. IIRC, from the Susan Powter episode of Fresh Prince.

Anonymous said...

Like that's the worst thing Joed's ever heard.

Anonymous said...

ummm????? I may have sworn like a sailor in front of mom a few times, but I am a model citizen in front of my kids. Comes from years of practice being a teacher.

Matt Trott said...

I had missed Fat Will. I like his pants fell down and he didn't know.

And Joed had got virgin ears. We aren't talking about our copy editor sister. What did she hear her daughter saying about a doll: "Why won't you fucking go to sleep?"

Anonymous said...

ok, that is not QUITE what she said. it was more like a lullaby that had only the word fucking with a nice little tune
egads, mom reads this!!!!

Matt Trott said...

That's even funnier!

Anonymous said...

I think it was having the 3rd kid....If K had ever heard me in the kitchen trying to get J to go to sleep I think we would have been in the same situation. :)

Anonymous said...

you make Joe sleep in the kitchen?

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