Sunday, March 25, 2012

Trouble falling asleep

I could not sleep the other night, so I tried to name all 50 states.

It is hard to keep track if them when you are in bed and trying to fall asleep. I thought I had reached 50 when I came up with Tennessee, Kentucky and Wisconsin. But the next morning I remembered I had left out Colorado and Oregon.

I sometimes try to name superheroes starting with all letters of the alphabet, too, or Tolkien characters.

The problem here is I get too obsessed and an obsessed brain is not one that falls asleep easily.

Prayer is another good option. Saying simple prayers I have know since childhood is relaxing and repetition lulls me to sleep.  Usually. But it depends on the prayer.

Several times that night, I started the "Our Father," but each time I stopped. It doesn't feel right to pray to God.

I do not  blame God for giving me Friedreich's ataxia, but as the author of Where the Hell is God? put it, God does bear some responsibility for the world he created. God's world has so much beauty that we rightfully praise, but it also has ugly and unavoidable things that I think God needs to answer for. Things that have no human cause. Things like FA.

It feels disingenuous to blame God for something and in the next breath ask for his help. I realize that is what the psalmists often did, and I love some of those psalms. But I am not there yet.

I guess I have not forgiven God. I would like to, but I am not sure what it will take.

In the meantime, maybe I'll count sheep.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think that if there's any entity you can blame one minute asnd ask for help the next, it's God. God has heard it all and still manages to love us.

If I can't sleep, I force my eyes to stay open and purposely try to stay awake. I'm usually asleep pretty quickly once I start those hijinks.

Anonymous said...

try to remember the names of all your grade school teachers and then the rest of them. There is a 7th grade nun I just can't remember. I have to ask our sister.
xo
mtc

Anonymous said...

Benadryl!
sdt

Matt Trott said...

Morshbacher
Harrison
Aveni
Sr. Dominic
Mrs. Cafferty/Mrs. Kelly
Sr. Michael Ann
Ms. Milligan
Sr. Mary Martin

Teachers are too easy.

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