I went to a gathering today that required dressing up. This required help from Mom, Dad, my sister and brother-in-law.
On Friday night, I had to call my sister at 4 a.m. to help me after an ataxia-caused incident that forced me to change clothes. I say "ataxia-caused" because it had nothing to do with other problems -- it was just clumsiness.
On Saturday morning at 7, when I saw Dad, who was feeding Fame so I didn't have to get up and potentially fall, I asked him to send up Mom at 7:30 so I could take a shower even though she had helped me take one the night before.
And a few nights before that, I woke up before 4, needed to physically go to the bathroom and had called my sister to help me get there safely.
These helpers all love me (even my brother in-law) and don't mind helping me. But I can't shake the idea that I am impinging on their lives. And as I get worse, there'll be more impinging.
I am not saying I am going to off myself, and unless I win the lottery, I'll still need and avail myself of them. I am just saying I hate it and I am sorry.
I did have use the bathroom again on that night earlier in the week, I didn't call for help.
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