Pretty Boy Matt

It's so simple, I can't believe I didn't think of it before. And I owe it all to the gun lobby.

Normally, when I complain about the existence of disease in the world, I get guff from Mom about free will and stuff, but now I know how to sidestep that issue.

I get Congress to outlaw all diseases and accidents because then only outlaws will have diseases and accidents.

And if I get declared an outlaw -- instead of being cured -- I become good "bad guy" like Pretty Boy Floyd.

Call your congressman today!