Not just me

After a meeting the other day we were talking about energy-saving steps in our building. This woman says: You know what my pet peeve is? People who use the automatic door opener but don't need to. Oh yeah, preach it, I thought.

She went on to say how people probably considered it more hygienic but with everyone using it, the button is dirtier than the door.

Just fun to hear someone else yell about able-bodied people taking advantage of tools made for those with disabilities.

Come on, Mom

In a fit of morbidity earlier this week, I was thinking about how SOL I'll be when Mom and Dad aren't around. I don't expect anything soon , but eventually.

It's OK, I thought, I'll tell Mom my worries and she'll tell me she'll be around a while or something else to make it fine.

EXCEPT that's not what she said.

I know, she said, I've been thinking about that, too. You'll figure it out; maybe you'll hire somebody.

WTF?

Sorry, Claren

Dear Claren,

I love you. You are the best dog in the world. Please forgive me for allowing Kenny the puppy on my bed while I was dozing this afternoon and playing with him once he was up there.

In my defense, when I felt something hit the bed, I just thought you were moving around.

Also in my defense, you never get up on the bed anymore, but it isn't  because you can't. You actually do get on the bed but just when I am asleep.

Finally, Kenny makes me laugh. I think you'd like him if you but him. Then he'd treat you with a little respect instead of acting like he is the dog.

Your human
matt

Just a little fall

I guess falling over on my bike was the worst thing that happened today, but my little fountain act in Mom and Dad's driveway was not cool either.

I think no one saw the fountain bit, so we'll pretend it didn't happen.

The fall, though, was in public.

I was passing these two walkers and my feet slid off the footrests, which also serve to keep me in the seat. I slid forward off the seat but my seat belt kept me from falling off completely. I turned off the trail to pull myself up, but the side turned out to be steeper than I realized, so I rolled to a stop and then tipped over.

A jogger and the couple I passed helped me up, so it really wasn't that bad.

New glasses

I went to the optometrist today ... unwillingly.

The people who fix my glasses were asking every time I visited if I wanted to make an appointment, and it was getting old.

My glasses are also worn out and need replacing, but you need an updated prescription to get new glasses. So there I was at the optometrist.

It's not that I was scared. But my glasses are fine (I thought. Apparently the new prescription is a big change.), so why go?

It is hard to see anybody who requires you to put your face on machines, which are often in small spaces not meant for wheelchairs. Or who requires you to transfer to their chair  (and you really should offer to help, not more or less ignore the person until he transfers).

Now I am good for a few years at least.

Too much

It is hard enough to deal with the odd sadness that accompanies the changing seasons four time a year.

But summer becoming fall in August? And then going back? I hope. Too much.

Don't zip my bag

I don't like having my wheelchair bag zipped. It is hard for me to unzip.

The most valuable thing in there is a bottle of Advil, so why close it?

This does not stop people from trying to close it -- on elevators, in my office, anywhere.

I tell them not to worry about it. Often doesn't work.

I don't mind people who ask. But it is odd that people assume I need something, but apparently can't ask.

Three hours

It  was one thing to wake up at 6 a.m. on Saturday, three earlier than planned. I watched Cool Runnings, then fell back asleep till it was time to get up. John Candy and Jamaican bobsledders, it doesn't get much better.

This morning, I woke up at 3, again about three hours earlier than planned. Again, a good movie was on: The Man with the Golden Gun -- Bond and Tattoo. But that is where the similarities end, and it explains why I was working from home today.

I woke up to jumpy feet. Advil relaxes me so I took some and tried to let it work. Finally, I turned on the TV to forget about my feet. It worked. But when I closed my eyes, my feet got all restless again. Not to be out-done, my hands started getting jumpy, too.

So at 5:30, I got up, showered and started working by 6:15. Uggg.

Always look on the dark side of life

Good things are happening, and all I can think of is how bad they are.

My brother and sister-in-law worked all weekend on fixing up Gram's yard. It was so overgrown it looked sad. Now, it looks great. Good, right? I focused on how much I wish I could have done that yardwork.

My brother and sister-in-law also built my new bookcase. My sister then put the shelves in and Mom put up all my books. Again, it looks great, and all my books are out of storage. Good, right? I focused on how many books I had to give away to fit on my shelves. That and that I lost Assassination Vacation.

My sister and her family came home. i had missed them so. good, right? I focused on how sad it is Claren wants nothing to do with their great puppy.

I could go on. But what the hell is wrong with me?

I have to laugh

It is standard at life-changing events in our family to have these beautiful blessings that Mom develops. It is also standard for me to laugh during them.

So it was yesterday as one of my nephews prepared for college.

I hope people know that I am laughing to keep from sobbing.

The blessings are so wonderful, and they talk of the loving God who holds us in the palm of his hand and answers our prayers.

Of course, I wonder where my answers are and wonder if the palm of his hand is wheelchair accessible because I don't feel God's love and protection.

Matt and Siri not meant to be

I know I am not cut out for voice recognition.

I used Dragon Dictate, the industry leader, for a while, but I spent more time trying to train the program to my slurry voice than I did writing. And that was even when I didn't play music, which I like to do when I write.

So I didn't have great hope for Siri when I bought my iPhone 5. It did not disappoint.

Mainly, I keep it turned on for comedy value ... and for my nephew, who can't imagine nor activating every feature popssible. I think my iPhone purchase may have been the best present ever for my nephew.

He has a Games folder with 16 apps, mostly free ones. Two of them are mine. His sister had a folder called K's Games, but I just now noticed it was renamed Games 2. HA. He's awesome.

Anyway, back to Siri. 

Last night, my houseguest brought home frozen yogurt, and we ate it while watching American Ninja Warrior. I knew my nephew would like that, so I wanted to text my sister and tell her. I didn't want to type it all into the phone, though, so I tried the voice recognition.

Here is what I said: "frozen yogurt and Amèrican Ninja Warrior with Doherty."

This is what Siri heard: "Screwed Sinewell girl and bear guy named Joe Gloria our lives authorities."

Really.

It was so good I then had to send it to my sister with the addition: "The above was Siri translation of 'frozen yogurt and Amèrican Ninja Warrior with Doherty' which was my night."

She liked it. I hope my nephew did.