Fallen again

OK, instead of an old lady in the shower; think of Matty in bed.

Last night, I put my Uggs right by the bed, but apparently I misjudged.

I went to grab them this morning, and I felt myself roll out of bed. Well, the top part of me anyway. My legs got all tangled up with my chair and stayed on the bed.

The problem was I was using my arms to hold my top part up, so I couldn't access Siri on my watch. I actually got Fame to bark -- I think she knows when I am in trouble. But that didn't wake anyone. Not  real surprising because we have soundproofing.

I just kept squirming and eventually supported my top with my head, activated Siri and called my sister, who of course helped me up.

I think the old lady's gadget may be a better answer.

Help, I need somebody damnit

I went to a gathering today that required dressing up. This required help from Mom, Dad, my sister and brother-in-law.

On Friday night, I had to call my sister at 4 a.m. to help me after an ataxia-caused incident that forced me to change clothes. I say "ataxia-caused" because it had nothing to do with other problems -- it was just clumsiness.

On Saturday morning at 7, when I saw Dad, who was feeding Fame so I didn't have to get up and potentially fall, I asked him to send up Mom at 7:30 so I could take a shower even though she had helped me take one the night before.

And a few nights before that, I woke up before 4, needed to physically go to the bathroom and had called my sister to help me get there safely.

These helpers all love me (even my brother in-law) and don't mind helping me. But I can't shake the idea that I  am impinging on their lives. And as I get worse,  there'll be more impinging.

I am not saying I am going to off myself, and unless I win the lottery, I'll still need and avail myself of them. I am just saying I hate it and I am sorry.

I did have use the bathroom again on that night earlier in the week, I didn't call for help.  

Falling apart

After I fell at work last week, I tried to go to the bathroom as little as possible that afternoon. That meant drinking very little after work.

It doesn't matter that it's not real healthy to avoid water. And it doesn't matter that I am pretty safe in my transfers at work. I think this was my first fall since I got my new chair in October.

Put another way, it's mostly mental.

When I fell last night, I took mental to another level and just watched TV.

I'm kind of falling apart.  It was Claren's birthday a few days ago, so I am thinking about her. I haven't seen the sun in ages. I am sore from my falls.

I need spring.

Unexpected hearing aid fail

The hearing aids aren't working great yet, but that isn't the big problem: They made me fall.

I was in the bathroom at work on the toilet and I hit my glasses. This sent the part of the hearing aid that sits behind the left ear flopping forward.

If I got to a mirror, I was reasonably sure I could flop it back.

I stood up tilting my head to keep the hearing aid from falling into the toilet. But I couldn't make the transfer back to my chair and fell, or really just slid to the ground.

At that point, the other hearing aid flopped from behind the night ear.

I texted a friend and asked her to find two guy friends. She did. I survived. Oh, but I hate it.

I want to be a bear

Nobody makes fun of bears -- and they hibernate all winter -- so why do I feel wussy and embarrassed for sleeping a large part of today?

I reckon it is because it   is not abnormal for a weekend day, even one that isn't rainy like today.

I know sleeping a lot is also a sign of depression, and not that I am embarrassed by that, but I suspect I am depressed.

Few bad things happen when I sleep. I don't worry. I don't fall. I don't hurt. Plus, I do need more sleep than others.

More reason to hate winter

As I wear my hearing aids as much as possible, I have uncovered new problems.

I took off my hat at work  yesterday, and my hearing aid came loose, falling out completely shortly thereafter.

A friend put it back in -- I feel guilty for how much I make people in my life do -- but I figured I best go hatless at lunch.

I did, and boy, did the hearing aids get cold.

My awesome doctor

I have been seeing my doctor for 17 years, and she's is pretty awesome. But I may have to change doctors -- she is starting to make fun of me.

At my physical last year, I told her my stomach issues had largely improved since my colonoscopy a year earlier. Ahh, a therapeutic colonoscopy, she replied.

I wasn't sure if she was mocking me or not, so i went home and looked up "therapeutic colonoscopy." Apparently it is a real thinking but only for serious ailments. in other words, yes, mockery.

Later, she asked if I ever used baby powder to help dry myself off. I said I occasionally used talcum powder. I don't; I use baby powder but I couldn't think of the word,  so said talcum.

Her reply: Oh, you're going to get ovarian cancer. She must have realized she was talking to an occasional hypochondriac because she quickly added, just kidding.

Of course, I am just kidding about needing a new doctor. She went up several notches in my book by making fun of  me.

Bifocals, hearing aids and FA

I got my  bifocals today, on the way home from an appointment to get my hearing aids checked.

The bifocals work as advertised, so I can read my comics without squinting. That's good.

At the hearing checkup, I said I still can't really discern things I hear, which I can't. She said it takes time and told me to wear my hearing aids more, that I really need to stimulate m auditory nerves. She said the stats in the hearing aids show I am only wearing them four hours a day. I don't think that's right but whatever.

Mainly what I was thinking during these three hours is how colossally unfair it is that I have to deal with these issues on top of Friedreich's ataxia. It's nothing new, but  I don't imagine I'll ever get over that. How am I supposed to survive a massive disability with all this middling crap? (And I must be losing it to call hearing loss "middling.")

The bar is low

Throughout the 10 years I have been blogging, I have written an average of 152.9 posts a year, always above 125. Until last year.

I only wrote 92. I broke double digits in just two months.

I  need to do better. Not for the legions of fans hanging on my every word.  For me.

I need to feel better. That happens when I write.