Monday, September 17, 2007

You've ruined the bathroom experience for me, Sen. Craig

Not that I liked it that much to start with, but at least I wasn't scared.

Now I worry that every unplanned twitch or reflex might draw the amorous attention of some totally heterosexual senator in the next stall.

And if a hand appeared under the partition, I think it would be all over. I would probably laugh, which is what I do when I am nervous. That might further encourage the totally heterosexual senator.

His hand might reach toward my shoe, which would get a response. But, oh lord, I would be doomed. I would jerk my foot away, which would unbalance me and cause me to topple off the toilet.

And all of a sudden, the totally heterosexual senator would see a guy with his pants around his ankles on the floor of the stall next to him. My only hope here is that he is too busy thanking his lucky stars that I can struggle up and get away.

What would he make of my bathroom experience today, I wonder.

I stood up and pulled up my shorts but couldn't pull up my pants, and in the struggle to get them up lost my balance and banged back down on the toilet. I think I even scared Claren.

I guess I'll just have to hold if if I ever go to Capitol Hill.


Anonymous said...

Oh, my God. Matthew, you are a funny, funny man
and yes, meg now reads the blog, but please don't let that inhibit you. I told her I'd tell her if there was one I thought she ought to avoid or at least read with me!
swear away

Matt said...

I make me laugh.

Mom said I should start a PG version of this blog for my nephews and nieces. She was kidding, sort of.

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