Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Explain this, please

I see my neighbor so little, one might wonder if she maybe is avoiding me. After tonight, we can remove the "maybe."

As I was heading out to walk Claren, Carissa came out. (I only remember her name because it reminds me of Clarissa, who explained it all.) My neighbor, without the "L," had a brace on her forearm.

I asked what had happened and she said she fell. She said she was going tomorrow to get the X-ray results, but she didn't think it was broken. She didn't sound all that broken up by it (hee), and when I said sorry, she said: "It's OK, what are you going to do?"

I really replied: "Yeah, I know about falls."

Nervous laughter and a "yeah" ensued.

At least I didn't tell her this:

I was cold this morning. I don't know why because it is so nice out I didn't even where a coat to work. Still, I was cold, so I stayed in the shower too long. I also was in the shower extra because my new bottle of shampoo didn't just have a cap, it had a seal, which I had to peel off with my teeth.

I don't know if that is why I fell – because I was hurrying. I don't know why I fell; I just did. I swept half the stuff off my sink on the way down, too, as I tried to catch myself. It didn't work. I hit the ground, and my head smacked the toilet, luckily I hit the plastic seat parts, not the porclien. But I had some trouble getting up. There was lots of howling, and I called myself or my legs a word that I am not sure even exists but sounds really bad. I didn't really want to shimmy up the wheelchair backward because I was shirtless and that would cause scratches from hell. I finally got up but was so tired.

I went to brush my teeth and my brand new electric toothbrush was dead. It works tonight, but seriously it was powerless this morning. I dragged the dead toothbrush across my teeth a few times, then put on my shirt and went to zip up my pants, and no, I also don't know why I did it in that order. The zipper was totally wedged down in the pants fabric and would need pliers to get out. No time for that, though, because at that point my ride called to say it was outside. I rushed to the kitchen, grabbed some food (not even my normal breakfast muffins) and left. That is actually why I didn't have my coat, not because it was really warm.

I was more or less on time for my ride – it had called early – and we left by 7:10 a.m. for another pickup. We got there in five minutes and waited until 7:45 a.m. I rushed, nearly killed myself, left my coat and preferred breakfast all so I could sit in a GODDAMN bus for 30 minutes. Clarissa would have had an explanation. But I sure don't.


Anonymous said...

Umm Matt. Even Clarissa could not explain this. I love you though and understand that you are famous in a dental sort of way.

Matt said...

But, it was Melissa Joan Hart. She knows everything.

Yeah, my dentist and all the women there like me because I release Claren and let them play with her. They allege they like me, too.

Blog Archive