Friday, January 4, 2008

Who wants me?

I have John Prine's greatest hits on my iPod, but I have only heard it a few times. Except for Springsteen and Christmas music, I mostly just let my iPod shuffle through my tunes.

His lyrics were still the ones that came to me this morning as I was lying on the floor of the bathroom three-quarters naked.

"Please don't bury me / Down in that cold cold ground / No, I'd druther have "em" cut me up / And pass me all around."

Who, I thought, would want any of me?

Not that I was at all near dying or have anything against being buried. Just make sure I am totally dead. My oldest sister isn't the only one who has to take a deep breath at that thought.

I wound up on the floor despite taking extra precautions when removing my longjohns. I decided to sit down to remove them even though it meant resting my bare bottom on my chair. I pulled my longjohns off my waist, then pulled them off my right leg, then I toppled forward off my chair.

I guess I whacked my head on the wall and wound up with my naked right leg getting hooked on every piece of metal on my chair. My skin, especially in the winter, reminds me of that yellow paper like the Declaration of Independence is on. It tears and scrapes so easily. My clothed left leg was wedged under my chair.

That was when I started thinging about John Prine. My eyes have a nystagmus, I would not wish my poor-hearing ears on my worst enemy, all my organs have Friedreich's ataxia. Who'd want any of me but medical scientists?

After that I got up and into the shower. No problem. Of course, I was out of breath until I was brushing my teeth 30 minutes later.

The most annoying thing: I really wanted to "give my Knees to the needy."


Anonymous said...

what about the last verse: send my mouth way down south and kiss my a** goodbye.? That's got to be good for something.

Matt said...

Well, yeah, but I am too proper to use that kind of language.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe Matt said he was"too proper"

Matt said...

I meant I was too proper to spell it a**. It's ass, baby, ass.

Anonymous said...

Yeah baby, grrr...Matty, you sounded very Austin Powersish there. I literally laughed aloud.

Matt said...

I don't know who wrote that comment about not believing I said I was too proper, but I was totally waiting for it.

That was right smack in my wheelhouse.

Anonymous said...

I know your wheel house, guess who

Matt said...

Sheri was my guess when discussing who wrote the "too proper" comment with EJD. I'll stick with it, although I am not too sure now.

Anonymous said...

It's not Sheri

Matt said...

No clue.

Anonymous said...

It was me dad

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