I hate being disabled

Really!

You'd think it is worthwhile, what with perks such as the prime parking spots, the ease of always having a chair with you, the ability to take my dog everywhere.

A lot of times, the hardest thing is you have to sit by, unable to help people you love. I would love to give my little sister a break and take their kids out or just watch them for half an hour by myself. I can't, though.

One sister did leave me in charge of two of her kids for a brief time once when my disease had progressed much less. Her daughter bounced into a wall while jumping on a bed, and her son wound up at the dentist because I had kneed him in the teeth (long story that really needs video to show that it totally wasn't my fault). That was my babysitting career.

I would like to be a big brother, especially now, because I really was kind of uncool to my sister when we were younger.

She seemed mostly to just mess things up. There was the time she and a friend destroyed an intricate city crafted in the sand box. Or the time my brother and I and a friend were sword-fighting with wiffle ball bats. Of course she had to join and we soon had to stop because she hurt her hand and our mom decided it was a dangerous activity.

We walked to school in those days and we made her walk last because she was the youngest. To be fair, though, we never threw our book bags down in front of her to trip her like some older brothers did to little sisters.

In high school, it was worse than just normal sibling stuff. I was an unpopular nerd, whose disability was just sprouting up. Making that worse: Along came my little sister who was popular and loved high school and did not have a disability. There were bound to be issues, and there were, mostly my fault. Her favorite story is how I yelled at her for putting the convertible top down on our car. I'm sorry, OK

I know that I am not worthless, that my words and presence do help people. But a wicked funny one-liner is not always much help. And I think how awesome it would be if I could not only tell a hilarious joke but also carry boxes when people move. Or take my nephews or nieces for ice cream. Or teach them how to sword-fight with wiffle bats.