Get in shape, the FA way

I have always been intrigued by fitness celebrity John Basedow.

It's not his creepy chiseled looks. It's that title: fitness celebrity. He isn't just a fitness guru or a fitness expert, but a fitness celebrity. That is so awesome.

I used to obsess about maybe becoming a journalistic celebrity, but tonight I realized I can be a fitness celebrity, too. Here is my workout:

1. Come home from work and take a 2.5-hour nap on your couch with your feet on your wheelchair.
2. Wake up and start to get back in your chair, but somehow slide down between the couch and chair. Remain off the floor thanks to your arms.
3. Let go with your arms so you slide all the way down to the floor.
4. Try to use your legs to get back into the chair or the couch, but give up when you realize they have a mind of their own, or actually no mind at all. They just kind of flop around.
5. Finally, position your arms to raise yourself up. Feel and love the burn as you do rise up and a sharp piece of the wheelchair drags along your back.
6. Flop into your chair out of breath and exhausted, ready for another nap.