Don't try suicide

Mom just told me that at least part of her Mother's Day will be spent with her brothers at a service for a family friend's son who killed himself.

Suicide always makes me feel so icky, mainly because I worry that some part of me will see it as a good answer to my problems. No, that's not right. Part of me already thinks suicide is a great answer to my problems. I worry that all of me will think suicide is the answer.

Don't worry, I am not going to do anything to myself. I don't trust everyone to take proper care of my toys and Claren, and who would give the comic industry my monthly stipend?

But how can "the big sleep" not appeal to me, someone who is always tired? Or to someone whose legs from the knees down are just one scrape after another from various falls or missteps?

I would never leave my family. That would be unfair to them after all they have done to me. I'd miss them, too.

Also, I am curious to see how this ends. Life is almost like a TV show in that regard, or a comic book, or any story. There are cliffhangers galore, and I want to see how they turn out. It just better all turn out awesome.