Can I get an autograph?

I hate being given a birthday or get-well-soon card to sign at work.

It is bad enough that I have to sign things when I can hardly write. After seven years, my boss gets this. He asks if he can write the note and I'll sign it. On my review, he dated it for me. Our section's old office manager did that, too.

Neither was around today when I got a get-well card for this guy who I know but quite casually. I didn't dare write a long note because he'd never be able to read it, but at the same time I did not just want to sign "Matt" for fear he'd be like: "Who?"

To make things worse, I was one of the last people to get the card, so if I did write a note it would have to be front and center. Other people already took the less conspicuous spots. And even though it is illegible, I don't write small.

Finally, I decided to just sign Matt and to hell with it. I did not want to take up half a page writing "Get well soon." And I found a nice inconspicuous spot on the back that was just big enough for my signature. Actually, I spun the crossbar on the two t's a little out of control and that went into another note.

But I wasn't done yet. I had to find someone else who had not signed it and give it to them. It wasn't so hard with the get-well card because the recipient was not at the office. But with a birthday card, you need to whisper and surreptitiously find someone who hasn't signed it. I don't do surreptitious.

I eventually just gave the get-well card to the office manager to redistribute as she saw fit. Maybe I can teach Claren to write.