The shit of the real world

I have read testimonials from people who say Bruce Springsteen kept them from killing themselves.

I can't say this has happened to me -- never having been that close to suicide -- but it makes sense.

One of the reasons I like Springsteen so much is that he is steeped in reality. The people in his songs -- with a few signifiant exceptions like Born to Run -- don't talk about escape. They are more about finding a way to survive the hard parts of life so they can live the joyous ones.

There's Night, where after-hours keeps the singer alive. "Hell all day they're busting you up on the outside; But tonight you're gonna break on through to the inside."

Out on the Street is the same theme. Friends and fun make work survivable. "All day you've been working that hard line; now tonight you're gonna have a good time."

In Badlands he sings about "Workin' in the fields till you get your back burned," but then asserts, "We'll keep pushin' till it's understood and these badlands start treating us good."

And you know you're not alone in struggling.

Surviving in the real world is a theme that runs throughout his music, and I love him for it.

All that said, today I wanted nothing more than Tracy Chapman's Fast Car to carry me away from my life.

I fell when I was getting on the toilet. Not badly. I actually didn't touch the ground except my feet, but I missed the toilet.

The problem was I was sitting down hurriedly because I had to go to the bathroom urgently, and when I missed and struggled I did on the floor. And no, it wasn't that kind of urgency. What came out on the floor was the real gross kind. Oh shit! That's right.

I knew I needed help so I shouted for my sister. She came in and immediately called for her husband to help with the lifting. We got me up and she cleaned the floor.

Neither should have to deal with my shit. I can and do, but they should not have to.

I am not sure what else to do.

I don't have a driver's license, let alone a fast car so even though it was really cold and gloomy, I went for a slow ride on my handcycle, trying to figure out how to survive in this real world.