Trouble

Trying to be a good little incontinent, I go to the bathroom even if I don't have to. Or don't think I have to. Usually when I get there, I realize I did have to.

Today, on one of my proactive trips, someone was in the wheelchair stall. I went back to my desk because I didn't really have to go, but as soon as I got back to my desk, I did really need to go.

I went to the other bathroom on the floor because I really did not want to waste time with an occupied wheelchair stall.

Not that I like the other bathroom. Its toilet is still auto-flush. It does not have a vertical bar I use a lot. Worst of all, it is a reverse or my stall, meaning that bars I am used to on my left are on my right.

After straining not too fall, I succeeded in sitting and relieving myself satisfactorily. I even managed to get back in my chair.

Out of breath because of the extra care everything took,  I went to sit outside at lunch, and I actually started to cry.

I honestly do not know what to do about this problem, and if they ever get around to fixing the width of the wheelchair stall, it will only get worse as more people opt for the roominess of a big stall.

That extra width is why people, some of whom I consider friends, is why some use it now. I was in the bathroom when one guy came out of the stall and said: Sorry, just needed a little more room.

I sympathize. I need more room, too. Unlike others, though, I really can't fit in the other stalls.

Short of a lock on the stall, this is not going to change.

I can hear my sisters now. They would back the position of a friend at work I mentioned the problem to. She said I should knock and explain loudly that I need the stall.

It's hard for me to knock, to speak loudly and to hear, so lord knows what would happen if the guy offered a legitimate reason.

Even if the guy left the stall, he'd be back.

I know these guys do not wish me ill. I am sure they think of me not at all. Or perhaps, "I'll just be here a minute. Matt won't need it."

They're probably right nine times out of 10, 99 out of 100. But that one time really hurts me. It says to me that I am less than normal, that I am not entitled to a useable bathroom.