The song

 Once, when we were both closer to college age, my sister told me about a song by a band she liked. 

In the song, the singer, a woman, talks to her brother and says she will help him always. Even when he has lost his strength and he is too tired to go on, she will be there. 

It is a song that even now makes me feel happy and sad, loved and teary all at the same time. 

On Tuesday night, I was having some problems. It started with my realization that except for a Gatorade sports bag when I was in North Carolina at my first job, I have not ever one anything any kind of lottery. 

I did, of course, win, or lose, the genetic lottery by getting Friedreich's ataxia. I was thinking how random it is for me and my brother to have Friedreich's.  I forget my probability studies, but as I understand it each of us had a a one in four chance of getting FA. We both did. No one else in my family has it. 

My feelings kind of devolved from there. On the verge of tears, I decided to listen to that song. It helped, knowing that I am loved as the singer clearly loves her brother. 

The next night, laughing told my sister that I wasn't sure I should tell her what I was listening to the night before. I did, of course. Her response was that I should never listen that song not be allowed to. 

I suspect the brother in the song dies, and that's the reason for her strong stance against me listening to it. 

Despite her thinking, I will still listen to that song when I am sad probably mostly. I am sure that it will make me sad and make me cry. But it will also remind me how much I am loved and that is always worth a few tears.