Procrastination hurts

I know this is not smart, but I will  put things off because they are hard to do. Most of the time, though, it just makes it harder.

I was wearing my braces today, which means I can't walk around. Well, not that I normally can but with the braces on I can't put any weight on my feet.

Another thing about the braces, they cost about $500 more than the salesman told me they would. Guess who is paying most of that?

Anyway ... I had to use the bathroom, which meant a urinal given the braces.

The problem is when I am on the chaise I normally use my legs to push my body up higher than the urinal to allow gravity to prevent spillage.

I got things lined up and began to use the urinal, and then tried to just move my body a little higher. Ye, that is backward, and I don't know why I did it in that order.

But it was a bad move.

I popped out of the urinal, and sprayed my shirt in a fountain-like display.

Fortunately, my sister came to help. Unfortunately, I was just trying to convince her that she is lucky to have me in her house, and something tells me this wasn't making her feel lucky.

Puppy magnet

I know that kids like wheelchairs -- from the niece who explored my manual chair so intently that she got stuck under it to my nephew who just recently dropped everything at the offer to drive my old chair in from the garage.

What I didn't realize until recently is that it is not just human kids, it's puppies, too.

Kenny, the puppy, worships my chair. He licks it for any dropped food, of course. But he also drops his ball on the battery pack or under the wheels. Then he wedges himself under the wheels and chews the ball.

Claren still doesn't like him, but he makes me laugh.

What happens in the stall stays in the stall, Part II

I slipped yesterday getting back into my chair from the toilet. I wasn't too worried. I had my pants pulled up, so even if no one came in, I knew I'd be OK.

But as I tried to stand my feet slid out in front of me, under the stall wall and into the other stall. Then the bathroom door opened. The stall next door, where my feet were, opened, so I started thinking how I'd unlock my stall door to let in my savior.

Then the person left -- didn't use the bathroom, didn't mention the legs -- he just left.

I almost cried.

But no time for tears.

I used a footrest on my chair to reach the door lock and unlatched it. Then I began repositioning myself so my feet would hit a wall and not be able to slip. This involved scooting the bathroom on the floor.

On the second try, I did get back in my chair.

What happens in the stall stays in the stall, Part I

Not whistling in the dark

I wish I could tell you that when the power went out at work today, I had no problem using the bathroom. Alas ...

And WTF is up without having emergency lighting in the bathroom?

The power was off forever. I went once successfully but tried to hold it the second time because frankly  I knew I couldn't make it to the toilet in the dark twice.

But right before I left, I had to go. And I made it safely!

All the caution cost me, though. I didn't quite make it in time. Damn. But it was dark so it wasn't visible. And I left right after.

Condoms and crawling

It is a magical life I lead.

For instance, you could ask: What did you do today, Matt?

Well, this morning I  spent time playing with a condom, figuring out how I'd put it on.

I didn't have a date and wasn't planning to visit a bawdy house. I was preparing to test a condom catheter.

I remembered an LA Law where Arnie taught the mentally disabled guy to use a condom, but I never saw it. Finally, I decided to just wing it.

The testing complete, I then spent time on the floor of Mom and Dad's living room crawling. Again, Claren was a sympathetic obstacle, lying down just in front of me.

Then I came home and Mom put a bag on my leg. I put on the condom with less trouble than I thought, used it, took a nap, and woke up to find it leaked.