Touch and go

I didn't fall today. It was close, and the top of my head did touch the floor once, but it was on purpose. Sort of.

I hit the snooze bar on my alarm clock a few times this morning. The weekends are the only time I can hit the snooze bar. I can't do it when I have somewhere to be because I can't hurry well. Hurrying usually ends up with me in a heap on the floor.

Why set an alarm at all if I have nowhere to be? Well, if I don't, I'll sleep till noon, and it's not like I am refreshed. I still take a nap during the day. I know I am going to be tired -- I just have to deal with it -- so I set the alarm so I can do something before I need to nap. Maybe. I often don't accomplish anything.

Like this morning.

In one of my swipes at the snooze bar, I knocked my glasses off the bookcase where I keep them. I remembered my backup glasses were on a shelf a little farther away, but I reached for them and knocked them behind the bookcase. I figured my first pair must be easily reachable, So I reached.

I thought I felt them under my bed, and I inched over to the edge of the bed and felt around and even put my head down on the floor to look under the bed. It was then that I saw that the glasses weren't there, so I tried to get back in bed.

Tried is the key word. In my effort to grab the non-existent glasses, I had put too much weight off the bed, and now I couldn't get back up. I couldn't even reach the stripper pole I have at the head of my bed to help me get in and out of bed.

When I lifted my one hand off the floor to slide back on the bed, I started to fall off the bed because my hand was what was keeping me from falling in the first place. I tried using my head to hold my body up by wedging it into the bookcase. In retrospect, this was probably a bad idea, but I was pretty sure I wouldn't snap my neck like that.

Finally, I had to perform crazy bedroom gymnastics the likes of which have never been seen before to pull my hand not on the floor out from under my body, grab the edge of the mattress, and use that to leverage myself back on to the bed.

Then I got up, but all I did was read the newspaper with backup backup glasses. I was too exhausted by my snooze.