Too many rivers to cross

In a classic Calvin and Hobbes strip (I know, they're all classic), Calvin breaks a dish and his mom says "Your problem is you've got no common sense."

Calvin tells her he has plenty of common sense; he just chooses to ignore it.

Perhaps I ignore my common sense, too. What better way to explain why, when I was falling into my dresser this morning, I consciously stuck my face out front.

Really, like a horse stretching for the checkered flag. Only instead of being crowned with a blanket of roses, I smacked smacked the dresser.

Nothing like cleaning your sinsuses with a quick bash to the nose, cheek and upper lip. And surprisingly little blood. But it still feels wierd, maybe 5 broke my nose again.

Work was blah. Another wheelchair passenger on my ride in this morning wanted to use my company's bathroom. I told him it was not wheelchair accessible because the first-floor ones aren't.

I am not sure, but it looked like he took matters into his own hands out in front of my office. I didn't look. That way I can honestly say I saw nothing, thank you Sgt. Schultz.

I was riding down the elevator later in the day. Claren was in front of me; my back was right at the elevator doors. Next to Claren was a woman, who elbowed past me to get off. I had started off the elevator and had to stop for her. Next time, maybe I won't stop. Or I'll tell her, "Wheelchairs get the right of way, hootchie."

And all day, I was beset by loneliness. I feel a little gullty because I was in a horseback riding show over the weekend and had lots of folks cheering me on. But back at work, I was reminded that none of the people I consider my closest friends at work wished me luck when I told them about the show. Heck, none even responded to the e-mail about the ride.

I have worried for years that I like people more than they like me, that they get bored or creeped out by me. My family doesn't count. I told my mom that this worry remains because only once in a great while does someone do something to challenge it.

More often, it is reinforced by something that happens. Even something that means nothing but takes on great significance when I am sitting here alone again.

Calvin's mom seems to think breakage results from ignoring common sense. Someone else said: "Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to."

I will keep chatting with people, hoping they aren't bored or worse. Whether this is faith or asking for more breakage, I just don't know.