Aquaman is no virgin

It is with some embarrassment that I admit I spent almost 20% of my waking hours this weekend watching "The 40-year-old Virgin."

I was not checking for discrepancies, Smartie, I am only 36. And I wasn't watching to see his awesome action figure collection, though Mego Aquaman is tops on my want list.

It's not like I had never even seen it before. I saw it when it first came out in the theater.

I spent more than a little time watching it because it is quite funny and more than that I was astonished at all I had missed in the theater.

I know my hearing is bad, but I followed the movie in the theater and thought it was funny. It wasn't till I watched it with captioning that I heard Andy tell Aquaman they were sending him to a farm "So, you and other Aquamen can run around and play in the Aquafields." There was also the confusion between "butt" and "but."

I could point out more hilarious scenes (I missed the Jewish kid in the sex-ed session), but it would get difficult with Mom reading this. Let me just state for the record that not being able to hear is one of the worst symptoms of this crappy disease.

Don't believe me about the 20% number? Let's say that the weekend lasts from when one gets home on Friday to when one goes to bed on Sunday. I got home Friday at 7:30 and went to bed about 11:30, four hours. Saturday I slept till 12:30 and went to bed about 11:30, 11 hours. I got up about 6:30 Sunday and went to bed about 11:30, 17 hours. This, of course, does not take into account the naps I took on Saturday and Sunday. That is about 32 hours waking total. Of those I probably spent six watching "Virgin." Six divided by 32 equals 18.75%.