Is that too much to ask?

When I got home last night, all I wanted to do was eat dinner and fall asleep on my couch while watching bad TV.

It's been a bad week.

It has been cold, and several days have been quite gloomy, so that is part. I guess today is the shortest day and longest night of the year.

I am also working a late shift, so my body is all tangled. Work has not been too busy, but my boss was sick for the first part of the week. I just felt behind and I could not catch up.

Mostly, I think it was because the buyouts took effect this week. I don't think there is a way to really do buyouts well, and I recognize privacy concerns, but I found it frustrating that knowledge about who was leaving came by word-of-mouth and gossip. I don't do either, not by choice. It's just that I don't hear well and I don't get much gossip.

This leads me to a regular worry: I worry that I need and care for my friends, more than they need or care for me. It always strikes me as odd that the person in the wheelchair does most of the visiting at work. Not many people come and visit me at my desk; some do and it makes me feel great because it is always as surprise. I know it is stupid to worry about this, but it is one of the most frequent worries I have.

And that I didn't fall asleep on my couch, watching bad TV. It is something I am scared to let myself do. I worry that I will wake up all groggy, fall during a transfer and it will be bad. So I just went to bed.

If there are any awful errors in this entry, it is because I used my speech recognition program to write it.