I talk a better game online. In e-mails, Facebook or blogs, I am witty and cool (I hope). In the real world, not so much. There's the wheelchair, the poor hearing, my shyness and my myriad other issues.
I got invited to a friend's holiday party, and I didn't really think of going because she lives 20-30 minutes away. But then I saw that the party was at the co-host's house (they apparently switch annually), and the co-host lives about five minutes away.
Feeling bold, I e-mailed my friend to tell her and she got so excited I might come. I was stuck.
I was OK with going when the party was in the future and even thought I might take a cab.
Then today came.
I was all worry. I napped most of the afternoon to avoid thinking about how the only person I'd know was my friend, a host; about how it wasn't really accessible, people would be lifting my chair; about potential cab issues; about how big this party was judging from its evite RSVP; about how I'd never hear anything.
I gave in a little and asked Dad to drive me. He had already offered so I decided it wasn't that huge a blow to my independence.
And despite all my misgivings, I went.
It would make a better ending if I could say that all my anxieties were totally unfounded. They were and they weren't. The house was pretty inaccessible, but the lifting was easy (for me at least). It was a huge party and I knew no one but my friend, but a couple of people from my friend's office introduced themselves to me. I couldn't hear a lot, but the NFL playoffs were on, the food was good and Claren was there.
And most important, i survived and I made my friend happy.
Finally, lest I sound too selfless, it was awesome to see Laura.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
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5 comments:
You know, as the mom of a child with autism, I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about social situations and the challenges therein for a child with sensory issues (she's easily overwhelmed as she is highly and sometimes painfully sensitive to and has difficulty processing sensory input) not to mention her profound difficulties with the pragmatics of social situations.
While the challenges that you talked about here are very different, they lead me to the same conclusion. Big, loud, chaotic parties suck and should be outlawed - punishable by something really bad - like - oh I don't know - maybe having to suffer through a big, loud, chaotic party?
As a sidenote, you just made me realize that there is no accessible entry into my home. Hmmm.
Thank you for this, Matt. You've made me think.
I don't know. Partly, I wish I could enjoy the loud, chaotic parties.
And as far as accessible entrances, most of my siblings' homes are not accessible. We manage, I think because I see being lifted and hauled by nephews and nieces and sisters and brothers and in-laws as more a labor of love than a sign of dependence. I know no one else sees being helped as a lack of independence. I am just stupid.
I am so glad that you went to the party. Despite all the challenges, it is worth it to just do it and know that there will not be perfection. It is not something that you have to do all the time, but every once in a while definitely do it and you will give yourself increased confidence. You had a busy weekend! Today was fun. I thought the show was great. And by the way, I am glad to be in the category of having an accessible house so you can come over anytime. Although I must say that once you move we will likely be very frequent visitors to the Donovan household, especially if Miked gets a huge television!
sdt
it has taken my stubborn @ss 39 years to come to the very outer edges of understanding that being helped does not mean a lack of independence. knowing when to ask for it and gracefully accepting it are next on the docket.
dependent? hell no. i think the word is 'evolved.'
I know I had to do it thanks. I am glad your place is accessible, too.
And Jess wilson, when you figure out the key to gracefully accepting hep, let me know.
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