My hero

Here is the conversation I imagine one of my office mates had at his dinner table tonight:

"Hi, honey. How was you day?" (Yes, my office mate lives in the 1950s."
"Pretty good, pretty good. The company reported really good earnings." [Appreciative oohs] "Oh, and I helped a naked man back into his wheelchair, so, you know, kudos to me."

In my defense, I wasn't naked. My pants and shorts were just around my ankles.

It was bound to happen really. I have worked there almost 11 years and I have never fallen and been unable to get up except when I have been fully dressed.

Now I have got the monkey off my back, so to speak.

I stood up after using the toilet and fell, not badly or painfully, and I certainly was not worried about getting back up. I should have been, obviously.

I stood up several times and sat back on my chair even, but each time, my chair was just out of reach and I slid down. My right leg is covered with scratches from the metal toilet paper holder. I know it sounds crazy, but at the time of the incident I was glad of the scratches. I thought they might wake my goddamned legs up so they would work. No such luck.

Eventually, I slid to the floor and my legs were sticking out under the stall. No one else was in the bathroom, and I couldn't decide whether that was good or bad. I was sure I would eventually get up, but I was so worn out and I was worried if I really stretched my legs out to rest them I might not be able to get them back to my stall.

I was so noisy, too. If someone was in the bathroom, it would have been an uncomfortable repeat of the "Who does No. 2 work for" scene from Austin Powers.

I was thinking of calling one of my friends at work for help when someone came in. He asked if I needed help, and I told him, "I'm afraid I do."

He said wait a second, then he came over, I opened the stall door and he pulled me up. He offered to pull up my pants but I told him I got them. I was so out of breath. He checked on me once more, said how tired I must be and then left.

If he had mentioned how much I must have wanted to cry, he would have had my feelings down to a T.