I think I broke my ear

Last night was bad.

I got up to go to the bathroom fine, and it went downhill from there fast.

I won't bore or disgust you with details, suffice it to say my bladder was being a fucking pisser and I had to change pants.

I decided to call Mom for a little help and then something happened.

I don't know if I reached for my cellphone and lost my balance or if I coughed or just breathed funny, but I fell. I had not done my seat belt because I needed to changed my pants and hadn't pulled them up. I smacked my left ear into the 4-inch wide wall at the front of the shower. Then I sort of slid down the wall, smashing my cheek and glasses. Then I fell completely onto the floor of the shower.

Lying in the fetal position, half in the shower, with my damp pants around my ankles, I was pretty sure I never wanted to get up.

Then I decided I didn't want Mom or Dad to find me like this, and I was certain that I had made enough noise falling to wake the dead.

So I pulled myself up, brushing a hand over my face and head to make sure I was blood-free, then I called Mom for help. She must have know I was hurting because I kind of muttered I needed help, and she said she'd come right downstairs even though she couldn't have really heard me.

We got things taken care of and as she was letting the bathroom door close on me so I could wash my hands, I said: "Sorry, Mom." She replied: "It's all right, Matt."

I almost fell out of my chair again I started sobbing so hard. Instead I just collapsed with my chest on my thighs and Mom rubbing my head.

It is anything but all right that my mother who just went to her 50th college reunion has to tend to her son like that.

It is anything but all right that my little sister will have to tend to her older brother when this happens in the new house. (I wanted to say "if it happens in the new house," but I am not an idiot.)

It is anything but all right that Dad has to chauffeur me around.

Where was God for all this? What kind of being turns such a cold ear and eye on me? God should not rely on people to be there for me.

At least my people are unlikely to let me down.