I did not cry at this wedding

I am over on the right, near the bright orange dress
of my sister. The photo is great, but I was ready
to kill the photographer who kept making me move.

I went to a wedding over the weekend. It was beautiful, amazing, a little kooky (as befits my cousin) and so very, very hard.

It was several hours away so I used my manual chair so we could drive the better, more fuel-efficient car.

It was outside on a sloping lawn so I am not sure the power chair would have been any better. But in the manual chair, I was very much helpless without someone to help me move.

It was loud so hearing was tough. Any event with lots of people is loud. Plus, background music makes it a lot harder to hear.

Except for the meal, there was little sitting so hearing is even harder when I have to crane my neck to talk.

Mom asked later if anything would have made it better, other than the hearing and mobility issues. She acknowledged that was kind of like asking Mrs. Lincoln how the play was.

I thought of one thing.

At the ceremony, Mom said a few words. Talking about family, she said, None of us have come here alone. She was right ... of course.

In my case, I came with Mom, Dad and Claren. But a wedding is a wonderful way to remind me of what I don't have and don't expect to have ever: Someone to be with me like my cousin and her husband are.

That would have made it easier, I think. If I did not spend the day feeling alone, despite the love apparent around me.

The true struggle, though, is to not let all the bad things I have just described outweigh the good.

It was a beautiful day. I was with wonderful people who love me. The bride and groom came to say goodbye when I left and told me how lucky they counted themselves because I came.