My Moby Dick, emphasis on dick

The Urinator went from really gross and annoying to somewhat dangerous Friday, and I am not sure what I am going to do.

I went to the bathroom Friday morning, and there was pee on the seat. I had to go, so going downstairs was not an option. Neither was going back to my office for Clorox wipes. So I wiped the pee off with toilet paper and sat down.

It was then that I noticed that he had left a little puddle of pee on the floor and my foot was in it.

When I was finished using the toilet, I learned that pee is kind of slick. I stood to clean myself off ... or tried to. My foot slid on the pee. Luckily I was holding on. I finally managed to clean myself and pull up my boxers. I then transferred to my chair and moved to a dry area to pull up my pants.

I talked to the woman in the office who uses a chair, and she said I have to tell people. I agreed, although I still doubt anything can be done.

I told my boss, and he gave me a harsher note he had already written based on this speech (transcript). It was quite good. He also suggested I talk to the building services manager.

He liked my boss's note but thought it went a little far. He promised, however, to do something.

Not fast enough, though. No new signs appeared yesterday, and every time I used the bathroom I had to clean the seat off.

Defeated

Today marks the first day my back was not a significant pain. It also marks the day I admitted defeat at the hands of the Urinator. Well, not his hands exactly, rather his leaky penis.

Here is how I spent a good half-hour or more this morning:

• Go to bathroom on our floor.
• Shut stall door.
• See pee all over back of seat and paper towels all over floor of stall.
• Leave bathroom.
• Return to office an get Claren.
• Go to elevator and get on car that said up but really went down, so I went from 3 to 1.
• Get off at 2 and go to bathroom on floor.
• Barrel through door because button was broken.
• Go to bathroom.
• Wait for other bathroom user to help  me leave since button was broken.
• Return to my floor.
• Tell building manager about the messiness.
• Return to office.

And that wasn't the end. There was goddamned pee all over in the afternoon.

I am seriously considering standing at the toilet from now on, just waiting to fall and bleed. Then I take a photo, put it in the stall and say: "Clean your pee; don't make me bleed."

Not that that would work. I don't think anything will, short of me falling and dying. But if I am deadm who cares if he pees?

Posted

My boss agree some people there are slobs and suggested something harsher.

The head of building services just laughed and put it up.

The note goes up Monday

If you get urine on the seat of the toilet, please clean it off or contact maintenance. Thanks.

I was ready to post this note in the wheelchair stall at work earlier this week, but things got too busy. It's been an issue since October or earlier.

This afternoon, I regretted not posting. There was pee on the seat, I stood, I fell, I got back to my chair OK, I get ready to pee standing up again, I took a little too long, and I had to get help to change my pants when I got home.

I am still embarrassed that I have to put up this note, and it makes me feel like I am being unreasonable. I know I am not, but having to ask adults not to do something they should know not to do makes me feel a bit silly.

I am also trying to avoid adding anything snarky, including but not limited to the following:

• Because not all of us can stand, asshole.
• Thanks to your pee, I fell the other day, jerkwad.
• It's a wheelchair stall, not a stall for slobs.

No pee! But ...

Today was the first day this week that the urinator did not soil the toilet seat of the wheelchair toilet!

But the day also saw my first tumble onto the floor under my desk at work, into Claren's water bowl. So, I am not sure whether it was a good day, despite it pee-freeness.

I was getting ready to go to a meeting when I leaned forward to grab something on my desk.

I almost immediately realized my seat belt was not buckled. I don't know why. Maybe I forgot to do it when I left the bathroom although it seems unlikely. Maybe it just failed, which given the history of this POS wheelchair seems likely.

I did not have the strength or balance to lean back once I started leaning forward, so I let myself fall to my desk, hoping I could catch myself there. I managed to put my head on my desk but only for a few seconds. Then I fell to the floor and put my arm in Claren's water bowl.

I wasn't hurt and quickly moved to stand. A co-worker happened by at that point, and saw me.  I asked her to grab a co-worker to help me. She did. But she also told like everyone in the office. Another guy came to help. My boss came. An HR woman stopped by several times to make sure I was OK.

OK, yes. Humiliated, that, too.

Don't fear the urinal, please

One of the gents in my office apparently eschews the urinal.

Hey, that's cool. Different strokes for different folks and all that.

But ... said eschewer also does not care to raise the toilet seat when he pees, and that is not cool.

I went to the bathroom today, saw liquid on the toilet seat so I went back to my office, got a Clorox wipe out of my desk, went back to the bathroom and cleaned the toilet.

Then I used the toilet and things were fine. I was back in my chair with the wipe in my left hand. I bent to my left to flush lost my balance, the wipe and hand were headed for the toilet. I jerked to the right, which saved my hand from a watery grave, but my face and glasses smushed against the stall wall and the wipe splashed water on my face.

SO ...

I had to go to the optometrist to straighten my glasses and I am now waiting for some crazy flesh-eating bacteria on my face.   Fun afternoon.