I am not a slob

As I was getting ready to go the White House today, Mom said, I need a little bit of your brother to rub off. This was further proof that my brother and I, while having a ton in common – including Friedreich's ataxia – have very different approaches to life.

We both know, for example, that the bats above Bolg's army are “like a sea of locusts.” We know that Cutter's soul name was Tam. And that “showoffs always get hurt.” (No link for this one. It was just something a friend shouted to his brother who was showing off his skateboarding skills in the St. James parking lot. He turned back to answer his brother and slammed into a fence.)

What Mom was wishing was that I had just a little of my brother's sartorial splendor.

The invite to the private tour of the White House said no shorts or jeans. That takes away about 100% of my weekend wardrobe during the summer, but I figured to wear some dockers and a golf shirt. See, the key word for my wardrobe is easy.

I wear a coat and tie to weddings and funerals. The only buttons I allow on shirts are ones I don't have to do, so polo and golf shirts remain open. I wear a lot of T-shirts. I feel I am being pretty stylish when a friend tells me I look like Michelle Obama because my T-shirt is earth-tone argyle. Not that I want to be First Lady, but if I did ...

My brother, though, yikes; his dress routine wears me out. He wears contacts. Glasses suck, but they are a small price to pay for not having to touch your eye. Next he puts on a button-down shirt, then a tie, and that's just for lounging around at home on Saturdays.

OK, I am kidding. That is his work outfit, but when he is home he still wears more elegant clothes than I would even consider. I still haven't bought him a T-shirt from the Bruce Springsteen concert even though he and his wife gave me tickets because I am just not convinced he'd wear it. I gave him a T-shirt a few Christmases ago that said “Monkey Crossing,” which is awesome, trust me, but I have never seen him wear it.

I am not a slob, but it is a pain to get dressed up, letting others button your shirt.

I did just that today to go on the tour of the White House from a friend who works there. What I liked most was all the paintings. I'd never get any work done because I'd want to sit and stare at Washington crossing the Delaware or the other art that line the walls. It felt like a library, and I wanted to whisper. I was disappointed only that Claren and Bo the First Dog did not meet.

I considered letting Claren pee on one of the little gardens out front that have bushes, just so we could leave our presence at the White House. But then I remembered what some old-timer (Bear Bryant, I think, but I see it attributed to Jim Brown, Walter Payton and others) said about scoring touchdowns: Act like you've been there and will get back. Plus, they'll be pulling Claren hair out of their rugs for decades at least.