That fall? I own it

I read a story the other day about how Michael Jackson patented one of his signature moves: leaning far forward without falling.

Granted, he actually patented “a shoe 'system'” to enable dancers, or anyone really, to perform the signature move, but I have plenty of signature moves; I should be churning out patents

There is the show-stopping fall when transferring to or from the wheelchair. Who would not want to perform that one? My shoe system would be simple: Wear roller skates but do not skate. Walk.

And who would not want to do spit-takes with regularity? For that system, I will need only pretzels, but as an added bonus I will toss in tips to make coughing while drinking a snap. Talk while taking a sip. Lean your head back. I will not rest till all my patent users are choking regularly.

My various bathroom escapades alone would keep a patent attorney busy for decades.