Why I hate people -- reason 6,024

Twenty days ago, Mom and I went for our usual lunchtime walk.

As we passed the front of our house, across the street was a dog Fame was eager to meet. The owner was 20 feet away at the end of an extendable leash, so I let Fame say hi.

I was watching the dogs greet each other when all of a sudden I saw a human arm reaching in to pat Fame. 

Um, social distancing? Especially for someone in a wheelchair. And it is not like he was masked up, either.

Moron.

I got cocky

It took less than a week.

After my neurologist eased my Covid worries by telling me I wasn't extra at-risk because of Friedreich's ataxia, my primary care doctor ratcheted them back up, probably higher than before.

I emailed her to ask about a handful of tests and appointments I have let slide because of the pandemic. I also mentioned my neurologist's assessment.

She replied with a very helpful list, at least until the last line. which was "I would definitely say that you are at significant risk of being quite ill if you got COVID-19.
" Crap.

Back to my bubble, I guess, though she did think I should see one doctor now. Double crap.

Another mask issue

 Over the weekend, Mom cut my hair. She does it regularly every month or so, but this time she saved me from the latest horror of sleep masks: mask-head.

I had some luck last week in wearing the mask and discovered that unless your hair is quite short, you better like wearing a hat.

Can Matty be smart?

 For the first time in the five years I have been seeing the neurologist at CHOP, I was disappointed by the visit. 

It wasn't that it was bad or that he said I was doomed. Actually, the problem is he said the opposite.

Since March, I have more or less isolated myself (as much as possible in a house with four people, parents next door and needing help daily. So not much thankfully). I thought I had to, given my Friedreich's ataxia.

Not so, he said.

Don't isolate yourself, he said. Just be smart; do what you need to do. 

 That's the problem: Do I need to get my teeth cleaned, get a new prescription for my glasses, get an echocardiogram or a colonoscopy? What about a physical? Should I start up my physical therapy again?

It's easier to isolate.

I tried

 My EDITOR wants something SWEET for the CHRISTMAS EVE edition -- something about LITTLE GIRLS and PUPPIES. And here I am at BELLEVUE.

Ben Urich in the "Born Again" arc of Daredevil

This line has been on my mind recently, not because Ben is awesome and the arc is my favorite comic event, though they are. I fell the other day as I was pulling my shorts up to use the urinal. I pulled myself right off my chair, actually just off the sitting part. I landed on the footplate, which I then peed on.

So to paraphrase Ben: Mom, my sister, numerous relatives, my counselor and probably others want a glass-half-full take on the event -- something about how lucky I am my brother-in-law and niece were there to pickle up and Mom to help me change. And here I am writing bitterly.

I do not, for the record, consider myself a glass-half-empty person exactly, as much a pragmatist. And the pragmatist was particularly depressed by the fall for several reasons:

• I did everything right and still failed. I did not need to use the urinal urgently. I was not taking risks,  other than the big one that come with getting out of bed every day with Friedreich's ataxia.
• My niece should not have to deal with picking up her uncle who is sitting in his own pee. (Several parantheicrals: I purposely made the "who" clause restrictive because sadly I am OK with my little niece picking me up outside of "pee events." I have made my peace with my brother-in-law picking me up.  Also, better sitting in my own pee than someone else's.)

Daredevil had his life wrecked by the Kingpin, but he luckily did not have to deal with FA.

Fear: Get used to it

 I have a virtual appointment with my neurologist in a  few weeks. 

I had sent him a list of FA updates for me and question or two because I am not going up to Philadelphia this year. He suggested the virtual appointment.

Nothing on my list is real earth-shattering. I am asking how at-risk of Covid I am, even though a few people I have mentioned this to (including a non-relative) think I am being silly. It's not like your life would change if you weren't, I have been told.

Two reasons come to mind.

If he said I wasn't particularly, maybe I'd be less scared about life.

On a related note, I haven't seen a doctor since the beginning of March. Doctors have always been part of my life. I miss them.

I  am pretty sure I am at-risk, though.

No writing

At first, I wanted to blame my lack of blogging on the pandemic.

It made sense. I often write about interactions, and I haven't had any outside my family, texts and email, and an early visit from some friends.

But I haven't written more than seven posts in a month since 2019. That's depressing.

I suspect it is also a sign that depression grips me. 

Perhaps I need to change things up. We'll see.