I tried

 My EDITOR wants something SWEET for the CHRISTMAS EVE edition -- something about LITTLE GIRLS and PUPPIES. And here I am at BELLEVUE.

Ben Urich in the "Born Again" arc of Daredevil

This line has been on my mind recently, not because Ben is awesome and the arc is my favorite comic event, though they are. I fell the other day as I was pulling my shorts up to use the urinal. I pulled myself right off my chair, actually just off the sitting part. I landed on the footplate, which I then peed on.

So to paraphrase Ben: Mom, my sister, numerous relatives, my counselor and probably others want a glass-half-full take on the event -- something about how lucky I am my brother-in-law and niece were there to pickle up and Mom to help me change. And here I am writing bitterly.

I do not, for the record, consider myself a glass-half-empty person exactly, as much a pragmatist. And the pragmatist was particularly depressed by the fall for several reasons:

• I did everything right and still failed. I did not need to use the urinal urgently. I was not taking risks,  other than the big one that come with getting out of bed every day with Friedreich's ataxia.
• My niece should not have to deal with picking up her uncle who is sitting in his own pee. (Several parantheicrals: I purposely made the "who" clause restrictive because sadly I am OK with my little niece picking me up outside of "pee events." I have made my peace with my brother-in-law picking me up.  Also, better sitting in my own pee than someone else's.)

Daredevil had his life wrecked by the Kingpin, but he luckily did not have to deal with FA.