Matty has another brother from his mother

When the ER registrar asked my sister who she was, she said, "I'm his brother."

Some folks might have brushed this off as a slip of the tongue, not this really kind registrar.

He went into a story about a niece "who wanted to be a guy."

I didn't hear much of this and was really confused why he was bringing up his transgender relative. Mom, though, explained.

Why was I at the ER?

If you ask my sisters, it was because I wanted attention.  One of my sisters-in-law i undergoing surgery at the Mayo Clinic, so the thinking was I felt forgotten. NOT true mostly. I mean at all!

Actually, I have a pain at the base of my throat, and when we called, the doctor's office sent me to the ER, concerned I might have a blood clot.

But the CAT scan was negative.

So I came home.

A few quick takes:

• I hate knowing people in the ER. My doctor this time was the one who admitted me for A-fib in March.
• I think my pathetic veins are going to haunt the young extern and send her into a truck-driving career. She struggled and struggled with no luck. I felt bad.
• Mondays are busy in the ER. We were there all day more or less.

Sticking around

I went looking for a post I had written a while ago about a guy with Friedreich's ataxia who had killed himself. It's not that I am thinking of killing myself, not at all, But I wanted to see if I still agreed with what I wrote 11 years ago (it turned out).

It varied.

On the one hand, one of his key arguments, presented by a friend -- that he refused to let FA win -- still strikes me as bunk. How is killing yourself not letting a disease win? It seems that you are totally capitulating to the disease and taking an easy way out.

But another argument -- that he didn't want those he loved to have to care for him -- is more seductive.

I know that it is not at all my decision and that my family and friends help out of love.

Despite that, I have been thinking how rotten it is for them to have to care for me. I know they are tired, not of caring for me, just in general.

One of my main reasons for not wanting to kill myself, aside from the sick feeling it gives me (and the 12 year of Catholic school) has been the desire to see how my life turns out. That's turning hollow, too.

I will have great fun, I know. Will my niece makes the Olympic hockey team before or after she cures cancer? Will my nephew become the next Steve Jobs? Will another nephew win a Grammy? Who will they all marry?

For me personally,  I foresee more pain and falls, not awesomeness.

Ultimately, none of that matters. I am here for the duration.

Oops

After nine years at USA Today, I shattered a glass elevator. In just under seven years at my current job, I shattered part of a mirror at work.

Not sure why or how. it is perhaps instructive to note that both incidents occurred with the same type of power chair.

I told a friend about it and she said I shouldn't be saddled with bad luck for breaking a mirror. If anything, she said, my chair should. Then she said, oh wait, that would still be bad luck for you, better to not believe in bad luck.

I say bring it on. How much worse can it get?

Dipping my toes back in the water

I went to swimming today for the first time since February.

It felt good to work my muscles in ways I haven't in a while and to see people I haven't seen in months.

My heart held out, too! And I only checked my heart rate once!

“Well, goddamn it, Matty, where doesn't it hurt?

In Raiders of the Lost Ark, Marian is comforting Indy, but everywhere she to aches, he complains.

Exasperated, she yells, “Well, goddamn it, Indy, where doesn't it hurt?”

He points to an elbow, which she then kisses.

I was thinking my elbows are pretty clear, too, when wondering if anywhere on my body has never gotten a prescription medicine.

You see, I just got a prescription toothpaste. I didn’t know there was such a thing.

Other than my elbows, it’s iffy. My legs are out with restless legs. Major organs like the heart, brain, stomach and lungs are out. I’ve had Rx’s for my bladder, bowel, nose and eyes. I’d say my ears are clear, but what child doesn’t have at least one ear infection? My arms in general are OK, but my right hand burned badly as a child.

Plus, there is all the prescription pain relievers I have gotten, but never used.

I am a mess.