A case for God or Buffy

One problem with reading magazines that are old is that you read about something that has already happened. Or you at least do not have time to dawdle.

I read an April America magazine that talked about an essay contest asking people to make a case for God. The winner got $3,000 so I was down with that. I wrote the essay over and over in my head and then sat down this week to write it out. Only then did I notice that the deadline was last week.

Here it is, though, for your amusement:

I have Friedriech's ataxia, a degenerative neurological condition. I pray till I am hoarse to be cured. I cannot stand stand anymore, and my body daily bears the cuts and bruises of any number of falls.

I plead with God to not get worse. I have recently begun using a motorized wheelchair most days, the latest in a line of adaptive equipment from cane to walker to manual chair. In other words, I am getting worse.

But never, even on my darkest, most lonesome and anguished days, have I doubted that God existed.

God is not, like an atheist co-worker insisted, just some lie I tell myself to make life easier. I never understood how it makes life easier and more palatable to know that an omnipotent, loving being won't heal you, won't even, on many days, seem to hear you.

And my mind is not in the habit of telling me sweet little lies to make me feel better. I am, unfortunately, too practical, although I do believe Buffy the Vampire Slayer is real and she is crushing on me mightily.

i don't why I am certain God exists. I like some of Thomas Aquinas' proofs (like the prime mover). But it just makes sense to me. And I trust my mind. My body fails me on a regular basis, but my mind? It's been pretty reliable.

This does not mean that I like God. God, how God makes me mad! Most of my prayers are angry yells nowadays. But at least we're talking, I guess. Maybe if Buffy shows up at my door, I'll become an atheist.